Getting to be a “mom” for the past few weeks has been the
greatest and hardest thing in all my life.
I have loved getting to love this little one.
I have hated knowing that he won’t always be mine.
Today we took the kids to see their mom for the first time
since they left her over 2 weeks ago. My heart ached for her fiercely for her
when I realized that in the same way she has trusted me to take care of her
baby, I will soon have to trust someone else to take care of him. What an honor
that she would trust me with something so precious to her heart. I know how
hard is must have been because from this side of the story, I am struggling to
trust on that same level even when I know in my heart that he will be loved and
cared for in such a great way.
When you are leaving part of your heart in someone else’s
care, it’s always hard to wave goodbye and trust that it will be well taken
care of.
Times like these I’m thankful that I’ve had 22 years of
having the best mom in the world and she knows my heart better than anyone. I
am so thankful for her and how she reminded me that children are all on
borrowed time from God. He is the one who LETS us love them, for however long
it may be.
And He loves them always always. So when my trust is failing
or when my heart is breaking or when I can barely breathe from the hurt, I have
to remember that HE IS FAITHFUL. And so He reminds me how lucky each person who
gets to love this little one is. And He reminds me to share Martin with the
world. Because bottled up in this little boy is such a great love, and how fair
would it be for me to keep that only to myself?
I have LOVED watching Martin grow and learn. Nothing in the
world is better than the way he smiles at me or the way his giggles sound.
Nothing makes me happier than seeing his eyes brighten when he learns new words
or figures out how to do something on his own. I love teaching him and laughing
with him and tucking him into bed. And I love seeing Jesus in him.
I will miss him with my whole heart.
But my momma was right.
God gave me the privilege of pouring all of my love into
this sweet baby so that he would be ready to be loved by someone else when the
time comes for me to leave.
It is my hope and my prayer that he remembers the love that
he has. That he doesn’t ever go a day without knowing how much God loves him
and how much I love him. The he finds the affection he needs in his new
temporary home and that he never feels abandoned or uncared for. It is my hope
and prayer that I will see him again soon and that I will know how much love he
has received in my absence.
I am praising God that I get to love Martin; I am praising Him
that so many others will soon get to love him too.
