Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Temporary placement, permanent love


Can I introduce you to the newest piece of my heart?

Last Saturday I was able to go with Annie and Phoebe to visit a family that we had heard about who had some babies that might need help. Since Annie is currently running the P82 baby home in Nairobi, as soon as we heard about the babies we thought that they might be able to find a good home in Neema House.
My heart would have never been ready for the kids that we were about to meet.

You always hope for the best, you talk to God and you tell Him that you want to help only as much as you are needed, that if the kids can stay with the mom, that’s the best thing.
When we met the two sweet 17 month twins and sweet 4-5ish year old Martin, we knew that they needed a good bit of help to get back to a healthy condition.
By the grace of God they have a mom who really did want to help her kids, even if she herself didn’t quite know how.
She gave us permission to take her kids to the hospital and to keep them for some time while they are getting healthy.
The babies traveled back to Nairobi with Annie and I have the awesome privilege of taking care of sweet Martin for the time being.
And gosh, what a privilege it is!!

I want to say that I’ve always believed in miracles. That I’ve always known how awesome God is and how big His works are. But this week has wrecked everything I have ever thought.
I’ve realized that I have always put a limit on the miracles that I believe, and it took this little boy to show me that my God will always always be bigger and greater and more faithful and powerful than I could ever ever hope to even imagine.

On Sunday I had a little boy who I thought didn’t even know how to smile. He was quiet and looked incredibly sad.
I would never believe that the sweet babe sleeping next to me right now was the same kid if I hadn’t witnessed the transformation every second of every day.

His body is small and fragile but his heart is huge and he has the most contagious giggle I have ever heard.
He is curious and funny and loving and such a trooper.
He loves eating and hates his medicine.
He has a rattle that he carries around everywhere and he LOVES little books.
He always manages to scoot right next to me when we are sleeping and loves to cuddle.
He loves playing peek-a-boo and will find anything that you hide from him.
He is scared of loud metal noises and going outside in the dark.
His laughter could be the soundtrack of my life all day every day and it would still never be long enough.

This is why God is good-because I get to love this little one now, with all that I have. And because I get to love him forever after, even when he is no longer with me.
We’re called to love. I’m lucky because loving right now means seeing the biggest miracle of my life.
One day he will be big enough and strong enough to not need me. But isn’t that what parents always hope for their kids, even if it means that they leave you? And even though he isn’t mine, it’s what I want for him with my whole heart.

My favorite scripture since I’ve been in Kenya has been Acts 17: 26-28. 
“From one man he made every nation, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each of us. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’”

The other night I came to put Martin to sleep and laid down next to him and he immediately snuggled up onto my chest and fell asleep. And God said “THIS IS WHY YOU ARE HERE.”
I didn’t move for an hour.

He has a plan, a GREAT plan. And He knows where we need to be and when. And when we do what scripture says, when we reach out and seek Him and when we live and move and have our being with Him, we get to be a part of the works that He sets before us.

I love getting to love Martin. And I will love getting to love him for as long or as little as I am called to. I will love him until it hurts and then I will keep on loving him more. And even if my place in his life is fleeting, my love for him is endless.






“I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.”
-Mother Theresa

Friday, November 16, 2012

Home


There are moments of my life where it is so easy to remember how Kenya is as much of a home to me as Georgia. Times when my heart is so happy and content here where I remember why I fell in love with this place five years ago and why I will always want to come back to it. I want to share some of these moments with you.
Kenya is home:
  •      When I am curled up on the couch reading a book and drinking tea and enjoying the constant soundtrack of animals and kids
  •      When I run to the supermarket and the kids on my road only wave to me in recognition instead of screaming at me in fascination
  •       When I have a day that I plan all my own, where I make the arrangements and decisions and have all the freedom in the world to do what I want
  •      When I go to a restaurant to pick up lunch and already know how much it will cost me because I’ve been there enough times to have the menu memorized
  •      When I go to the bank and the security guard always insists on putting his card in the ATM before me just to make sure it isn’t in a mood to eat cards
  •       When I am on the way somewhere and pass by friends on the street who know my name
  •       When I can turn my music up and sing along to American songs while I make dinner (even if it means strange looks from my Kenyan family) 

So many pieces of my heart are here- in the people, in the culture, even in the language. And I love the times when I am perfectly comfortable being at home here. I love when I can be still and rest and not feel like just because I am in Kenya I have to be doing something productive every second of every day. (Even though I also love times when I am busy busy and full of places to go and people to see)

I don’t know that I will ever get tired of having more than one home.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Loves of my life

Sometimes God has to nudge me and remind me of how miraculous and faithful He is. Sometimes I forget to be in awe of Him and sometimes I forget the how good His promise is and sometimes I fail to see all of the wonders of His works.
Many of you will remember Paul, Willy and Issac- the three boys that we had the pleasure of meeting when I was here in December. When we met these three, the life that they knew was cold and empty and really hard. (To read what I wrote about them then, visit here: http://thebeautyofwords.tumblr.com/post/14841576195/hope )

Since the second my feet touched Kenyan soil, I have been itching to get to these boys. I wanted to see them and play with them and hug them and dance with them. God knew that I needed to see my sweet boys, and this past weekend I was able to travel with my awesome friend Gordon to Nyahururu to visit with them for a while.
Saturday night goes down in the books as one of the best nights I will ever have in Kenya. Even before Gordon and I walked through the gate, we could hear music coming from the yard. When we walked in all of the boys were singing and laughing and helping prepare supper. At first, I think they didn’t remember me well enough to show all their personality, but by the end of the night we were all laughing to tears and dancing for hours. Joy was literally in every single inch of the room and nothing could have taken the smile off my face that night. (I even watched a rabbit get slaughtered and skinned and kept my smile!)
What a transformation for those three boys, and what a joy to get to witness it! I love them with such a huge chunk of my heart and I am so thankful that God uses them to remind me every day of how prodigal we each are and how much can change when we come home to Him.